At UCSF Medical Center we believe that “Caring comes first,” and we all do our best to embody that phrase in our work with patients. Yet caring isn’t always easy to do, especially when we see the suffering that many people have to endure as they deal with their illness and receive treatment. When we see a someone suffering, we may be tempted to try to make the situation seem better – by attempting to cheer the person up. However, the Dutch author and theologian Henri Nouwen offers some wise counsel in those moments when we are with people who are experiencing pain:
“Being with a friend in great pain is not easy. It makes us uncomfortable. We do not know what to do or what to say, and we worry about how to respond to what we hear. Our temptation is to say things that come more out of our own fear than out of our care for the person in pain. Sometimes we say things like “Well, you’re doing a lot better than yesterday,” or “You will soon be your old self again,” or “I’m sure you will get over this.” But often we know that what we’re saying is not true, and our friends know it too. We do not have to play games with each other. We can simply say: “I am your friend, I am happy to be with you.” We can say that in words or with touch or with loving silence. Sometimes it is good to say: ‘You don’t have to talk. Just close your eyes. I am here with you, thinking of you, praying for you, loving you.’”
It can be more meaningful, truthful, and healing to simply express our caring. In that way we let them know that their pain is noticed and that they are not alone.
Question for Reflection:
• What is one way that I can communicate my caring today to a person who is experiencing pain?
May your compassion shine forth from what you say, how you say it, what you do, how you do it, and who you are.